Well, a very recent conversation with a female friend made me restless for a few days. As per her allegation, I am probably a bit biased against many women. What made me really restless was that during my argument with her in our brief conversation, I was sure that I was fighting for equal rights for men. Now I personally am against every kind of differentiation and this thought actually had more effect on me that I thought during the course of the discussion. While this may sound really odd, coming from a male member of a supposedly patriarchal society, I somehow was convinced that the times and tide has changed, after conversing with my fellow sufferers. A major reason for this could be the increasingly disadvantageous sex ratio for our gender, as recorded by the census.
Now, my major contention with her was that I argued that “most women prefer that their husbands should have a extremely good career and yet he should contribute equally to what her responsibilities in the house hold activities”, as being unfair. My contention was if the husband was the major bread earner, then in all probability that his responsibilities in office would be much higher than his better half, and thus it would be not be fair to expect him to share house hold job responsibilities with the wife EQUALLY, and there was a need to recognize his other contributions in the welfare of the family. However, given that we live in a evolving patriarchal society, such a statement would invite wrath from my female counterparts as expected.
Thus my friend argued that the times have seriously changed now and women are have actually made their presence felt in professional spheres (which I agree to, and support) and are now having similar potential, career wise, as their male counterparts.
Since this was an issue related to marriage, what best place to actually search for data than BengaliMatrimony, the website which brings men and women together in arranged marriages. Although such a sample is inadvertendly biased to an extent, I thought it would at least provide an indication of the partner preferences of the modern bengali women.
So I started an advanced search in the website for all the ladies in the age group of 21 to 28, unmarried, having educational qualification of graduate and above, residing in Kolkata and having a castebackground of Brahmins, Kayasthyas Khsatriyas and Vaidyas, and had their photos in their profile. The search returned 1148 results, of which 442 were not working(or are studying) and 706 ladies were working. Of the ladies who were working, 242 were in the income category of less than 1 Lakh INR of annual income, 293 ladies were earning from 1-2 Lakh INR, 128 ladies were earning 2-5 INR, 41 ladies were earning 5-10 Lakh INR, and 2 ladies were earning above 10Lakhs INR.
What was interesting to note that in their partner preferences, amongst all these working and non-working women, the count of women expecting that the groom should have a salary at least 4 times their own current salary (or above 6 lakh INR for the non-working women) was 666 or 58%. 32% or 367 ladies wanted a groom with a salary expectation of 2-4 times their own salary. Only 10% or 115 ladies had not mentioned the salary expectations from their partner, out of which 94 had not set any partner expectations, and thus their profiles could be considered incomplete. Only 13 ladies (all of who who were earning more than 8 lakh INR) had a partner expectation of a salary of 20 lakh or above, which in terms of sheer percentage, exceeds 200% their own annual income.
Now, amongst the 442 women who were not working, 242 were engaged in higher education and 200 have completed their education and were not working. Out of the latter group (Education completed and not working), 168were graduates and 42 were post-graduates. 70% of this segment (442) wanted apartner with an income of 8 Lakhs and above and 10% wanted a partner with an income of 10 lakhs and above. Of the women pursuing/completed post-graduation / Engineering / professional courses, 60 women had a preference for a partner earning more than 12 Lakh INR, 128 women wanted a partner with a salary of above 8 Lakh INR and only 26 women had a partner preference in terms of income below 6 Lakh INR. 30 women had not set their partner preferences. This was coming from a segment who are yet to start earning and thus yet to realize the practical hazards associated with even a low paying job.
What was surprising was that many women considered themselves “Brilliant as a student”, “highly qualified”, with “highly professional background” and yet had no jobs even in the age category of 24-26 after completion of their education or even did not manage to complete their post-graduation. Even the women with jobs where annual earning was less than 1 Lakh INR, considered themselves extremely “careerist” and wanted a husband who would support their ‘blossoming’ career with a pay-package of above 8 Lakhs INR. I would definitely not like to comment on their self perceptions when it came to external attributes, as compared to reality. These kind of attracted my attention since I am not a strong fan of narcissism.
Please note that I am definitely not against women working to unlock their true potential.
But today, few of these women need to recognize that if the burden of expectation was so much on the man to earn and provide for a luxurious living, why is it wrong for a man to expect that his partner would contribute more on the family management front? If your expectations from your partner in terms of earning potential was a few multiple of your own salary,how does one equate that to having equal job responsibilities in the career,and thus should share equal responsibilities in home also? If marriages are about equality, how are such partner expectation a reflection of equality in terms of providing overall resources for the welfare of the family?
By no means I am advocating that men don’t need to be concerned about house hold activities, they definitely do. I am strongly against the gender-job role biases in our society also.
I am only a strong advocate of true equality of all, and investment of comparable resources for the welfare of the family where both the partners have equal stakes.
Thus this amazingly stupid piece of research on which I spent 3 sleepless nights.
Some Idiots says, "Behind every successful man, there is a woman". But nobody wants to admit openly the fact that "Women prefer to go for the successful men only, given a choice". An article that came out later presented somewhat close views http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Men-go-for-looks-women-profession/articleshow/6335911.cms
